Alone in a crowd...

Hello dear lonely blog... I am so sorry for neglecting you. I know how you feel. I too feel lonely though I am never alone. Go figure. I desperately crave some quality time with me- whoever that is- I think I've forgotten... while at the same time I feel so alone. I have lost what makes me me- I feel like I am no longer a person- no longer a woman- I am a robot going about the same chores everyday... the only thing that anyone notices is whether supper is on the table. No one notices my puffy eyes... slouched shoulders... missing smile... If I suddenly disappeared would anyone notice? Perhaps when their stomachs started growling. I know I sound whiny- this is why I haven't bothered blogging- I have nothing witty to say these days. I used to be intellegent, sexy, fun - now I feel like a zombie. I don't know what to do about all of this. Some people turns to meds when they are feeling down- but that doesn't change the fact that everyone in my life just uses me and no one really truly loves me for who I am... but maybe I'd be too zonked to care... I dunno. I'm rambling... I need another cup of coffee so I can continue doing what I've been doing over and over again... See ya lonely blog- I'll try to visit you again some day soon.

Hello mudder, hello fadder....... remember me??

Here I am at camp granada....... ;-)

OK ok I know I've neglected you, my dear blog. The one and only being that listens to everything I say and never talks back!! How could I do this? Well, I think it's called having 3 kids..... LOL. Everytime I try to sneak away for a minute they start scrapping and need a referee..... maybe I should get a striped shirt and a whistle. I've got 2 in time out at the moment so I should be able to sneak a minute or two on the computer. ;-P

So summer is here, or so they say...... summer has been almost as bad as my "spring is here" post.... in spring we had blizzards, and now that "summer" is here, we have spring like conditions! It's been overcast and threatening rain for the past week (but not actually raining so I still have to water my garden!) and it's pretty cool in the mornings- I've got a fleecy sweater on right now..... and it's almost mid July. Good grief!

We've been doing some camping, which the kids love. The later half of July will have a lot of camping trips in it. It's lost of fun, but of course lots of work for you-know-who, who has to do all the planning, packing, food prep etc..... If ANYTHING is ever forgotten it must be my fault, as no one else could ever take responsibilty for themselves..... (insert bonk on hubby's head here!)

Anyway, such is the life of a mom I guess.

I've closed my home business for the summer to have some time with just my family. This has been great and has given me time to get caught up a bit. I'm still doing lots of prep-work for when I reopen in September, but that will hopefully help me to not go crazy when I jump back into it! I've also started thinking about doing some artwork again.... I need to clean out my studio so I can have some room to work, but I do hope to get some stuff done this summer. I did do a creative photography piece last week for a local art auction. A friend of mine has cancer and the art community got together to have an art auction to help raise money for treatment expenses. It is so sad to see someone so young and with a young family facing something so serious..... despite the sad circumstances, it was nice to get out and mingle with everyone.

Must run, but I hope to return before the seasons change again!! LOL! Or maybe that could be my "thing"- to just announce when a new season is here!! Yes, that'll bring in a faithful following of readers, I'm sure!!!

Spring in Canada...

So spring has sprung....... or it started to, until.....

Whammo! Winter attacked us once more! This is what I saw when I looked out my window this morning. *Ugh*

So then I had to dig out the winter clothes that I had been packing up the last few weeks so I could send my daughter out to wait for the school bus!!

Ah, life in Canada.... 8 weeks of summer, 10 months of winter!

Original song compositions......

So there are times during the day that I feel like losing it, and to keep my cool and not turn into a monster with the kids, I sing silly little songs that I've made up. I figured the young kids would think it's like Mom singing "The itsy bitsy spider" or something..... it's fun and amusing for the kids, but allows me to express some frustrations in a positive way (I guess!) The thing is these songs have original lyrics composed my none other than the mom who's losing it...... oh which one? Sorry, I know there are many! I meant me! So I have this neat little ditty that I've entitled "losing my mind" that I often sing half under my breathe.... thinking it was more to myself..... however I've noticed recently that some of the kids are starting to sing along with my insanity songs!!!! ACK! What have I done to them?? Some day they'll look back at their childhood and realize that they drove their mother crazy!!

"Losing my mind..... losing my mind.......... losing my mind........ " Like my singing? OK so the lyrics don't look too interesting, but when it's sung with an operatic dramatic voice, it can be quite impressive and cathartic at the same time! Haha....

I do also resort to some other songs that I will not take lyrical credit for such as "Boom boom, ain't it great to be crazy?!" That's one of my favorites!

So the point of this entry is..... hmmm..... is there supposed to be a point to my entry?? Oh yeah, I got it! The point is, I managed to get on my computer for 2 minutes without anyone crying yet!!!! Yeah!!!

OK that's it..... you may resume your normal activities!

Naptime whimperings...

I hunt and peck as quietly as humanly possible, ever-afraid a tiny click may disturb the fagile slumber of a daycare child... (who is an only child unaccustomed to naptime noise...)

She doesn't nap as well or as long as my boys so I can never be sure of a break. Somedays she wakes after only 15 minutes and won't settle again. I can hear now little whimpers starting, signaling a not-so-deep sleep. Why won't they rest peacefully? If someone told me to go lie down undisturbed for 2 hour I wouldn't argue!!!!!

*sigh*

Dare I hit enter to post my blog? Can I telepathically send my thoughts out to my cyber friends without moving? I have a fan running in her room to give her some "white noise" but it doesn't help much.

Quiet time.... it never lasts long enough!! Oh well, at least I got to post a few lines so you know I still exist and haven't run away .... YET! ;-)

29 going on 80

OK so I stopped counting my birthdays when I hit 29..... for a few years now I've managed to convince my children that I was turning 29.... At my last birthday my daughter wisely said "but didn't you turn 29 LAST year?!?!" I convinced her that she was mistaken and that NOW I'm 29.... hehe I wonder if I'll be able to pull that off again? We shall see...

Anyway, my point is, I'm not THAT old but for some reason I have days that I feel like I'm 80! Is it due to parenthood? Is it due to some undiagnosed disease? Am I dying? I have a lot of hip pain (after having my hips spread apart by 3 births!) and have times when I feel I can hardly walk or make it up the stairs. Surely I'm too young to be old!

So if I miss a day of blogging it's because I couldn't make it to the computer.... maybe tomorrow...

Sitting.

Finally. I sit down on the cold white seat…
A moment to myself.
Instantly I hear the doorknob jiggle-
Did I remember to lock it?
Little hands pound on the door… I smile and think, yes I did!
I hear a little voice say, “Mommy, you in dere?”
I roll my eyes; “no.”
Then bigger feet come running,
There is a pounding on the door and a frantic life-or-death cry of
“Mommy I need you to fix the VCR!”
“Give me a minute.” I sigh.
I make a mental note to have the room searched for bugs…
There must be something in there for as soon as I enter, my children panic.
It is chaos, mayhem, fear- the apocalypse is near because mom is out of sight.
Do they think I’ll never return?
I contemplate it, look around and decide against it.
I’ll need another coffee.
After all, it’s 7am and it’s been a long day.




Note: I can honestly say, without exageration that EVERY time I attempt to sneak away for a minute, they all start screaming! It drives me insane! (Though that is a shorter drive each day...) I think I'll just hold my pee for the next 20 years..... sigh.

Hope you had a hoppy Easter.....

It's Easter Monday.... my daughter was home from school, I had booked it as a day off for me and my home daycare, but ended up with a full house anyway...... grrr....... It would be nice to have some quiet time with just my own kids once in awhile too...

Well, I'm working on cooking an Easter dinner right now- have a ham in the over- better go check it soon!!

Crap- kids are screaming for me- gotta run- no time for anything profound today! Sorry!!

OK, I'll admit I'm easily amused at times...

Which is a really good thing. So in the middle of mundain, routine stuff that seems to be draining the life out of me, a silly joke or image can make me giggle.... so I'm half-way there... and with GoodFriday it's a short week.... I can do it, I can do it. Wonder if I'll get a break this weekend?


Happy hump day!

Anybody see my smile???

I don't know where it is... for some reason (or I suppose a combination of many reasons) I have lost my smile. I don't feel joy in things right now. Even when on our "break" (which is never really a break for a mom chasing 3 kids around) I didn't really enjoy myself. I feel like I've been faking it- and now I've lost the energy to fake it.... I feel grumpy and sad. I literally beg for some time alone to recharge once in awhile, but I can never seem to get it. With so many people demanding of me at ALL times, day and night, I feel like a servant just running around fetching whatever it is that people want now.

I know I'm whining. Sorry. But it's my blog so I'm gonna whine today. I just feel like saying "ppbbbbtth" to the world today.

OK, better get back to work.....

When's MY training seminar away?!?

So DH is out of town on a FOUR day training seminar. Guess who's less than thrilled...... I hate it when he's away. It's bad enough that I do everything all day, but at least if he comes home at the end of the day he can help get our 3 energizer bunnies into their jammies. By then I'm pooped and need a breather from the kids. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm soaking in the bubble bath with a good book- I'm still busting my butt cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry etc etc, but at least he can take over the kids for a few minutes. So now it's just me and the kiddos- who outnumber me and have infinitesimally more energy than I. Who shall survive the challenge? Do I get immunity? Will they vote me off? Oh, please vote me off!!!

So, I hope we can make it through the week without any problems... and without losing the last few brain cells I was holding onto. We'll see...

The "spring itch"...

Well, it's official- I have the "spring itch". While it may be contagious, I don't think it's anything to be alarmed at! ;-)

Today is the first day of spring and I want spring to land NOW! However, it is still *&$%*$%*$*% SNOWING here!!!!! Ugh! I am so sick of snow and all the gear that goes with it- snowsuits, hats, mittens, boots..... my porch is overflowing with thinsulate! So, I have decided that it is now spring, regardless of the weather- LOL. I am starting to weed through the mitts etc, washing them and boxing them up for next year. My poor children will have frostbitten hands if the weather doesn't warm up soon!!!

OK, I'd better get back to my purging!!! Winter, this is your eviction notice!!!